I talked to someone yesterday that was really angry that God gave me cancer and is making me go through all this. There are quite a few things I would have loved to teach at that moment, but my opportunity was limited, so I kept it pretty short. You’re getting the long version here; what I would love to have said if the time and audience had been right. I am also including the words of a particularly inspiring speaker about her feelings when her husband passed away suddenly. They were so inspiring to me, and they are just what I want to say.

First of all, God did give me my body, and mortality, so I suppose He gave me the capacity to suffer. He also doesn’t protect us from suffering because it leads to growth. But the weakness in my physical body in a fallen world is what gave me cancer. What God gave me is the miracle of modern medicine, His strength added to my own so I can deal with it, supportive family and friends, and the knowledge of His plan that brings meaning to all of it (plus so much more). The fact is that cancer, and even death, are temporary states. The resurrection will give me a perfect body, and life after this one is going to make up for any loss we experience here.

I have been blessed to be assured of and feel God’s love for me daily. Nothing I experience changes that, even in my most difficult moments. I am certain of my eternal destiny. I have absolute confidence in God’s promises. I have experienced divine guidance, instant and miraculous healing, and the calming reassurance of His hand in my life. I have also experienced some disappointing “no’s” in answer to my pleading, the need to wait and wonder about the “why’s”, and the long, brutal healing process that only comes with lots of time. All these are part of God’s dealings with His children, so that His promise that “all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for (our) good”, will be realized, and recognized by us. These are things I choose to believe, and that choice blesses me every day.

Here are the words of Lili de Hoya Anderson, and I echo them with all my heart:

“I will not doubt the love of my Heavenly Father and Savior for me. I will not, because I choose not to. I choose to embrace their love, and to know that all of it will be consecrated for my gain and for the gain of my children. I know it with a knowledge that I’m so grateful for, that has been a witness born by the Spirit again and again in my life. 

I’m so grateful that I was there before, but I know we can get there wherever we are, and that we must. If we want to have a meaningful life, if we want to embrace the gospel and all that it gives to us, if we want to embrace our Savior, and let him embrace us, we must trust Him. There is no other way to find those consecrated blessings that are in store for us.

There was anger and resentment and betrayal. I could sense them in the wings immediately (after my husband’s death), and they wanted to take center stage. I thought, “Why would I go there? Why would I let them? This is not consistent with what I know. I will trust. I will submit and allow God to do His miracle in me and in my life.”

 It is said, “If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise.” It’s not enough to suffer. We need to allow God to consecrate our affliction for our gain, and that is our choice. We can deny him the ability to consecrate our pain. Why would we do it? Why would we do it?”