I’ve been in the hospital for three days now, and probably have at least two more to go. They will let me go home when my blood tests show that my white blood cells are multiplying fast enough. I am here because the colitis that developed as a result of chemotherapy may have become infectious, and they’ve been pumping me full of antibiotics the whole time I’ve been here. The fever I came in with is gone, and some of the symptoms of colitis, specifically stomach pain and diarrhea have begun to improve.  While a hospital stay cannot be ideal, this is a pretty cushy place and it’s nice to have someone else recording all my IO’s (that’s Intake and Output), temperature, pills, etc, instead of me having to do it.

What I’ve been dreading for a while finally happened yesterday. My hair started falling out in handfuls, so I buzzed all my hair off, rather than have it peel away in a depressing, hairy mess. There’s not much more effective at making cancer real as being bald. Being the LPN who does the shaving can’t be easy. I choked when I saw myself, he said that most women cry.

What I know about being bald now is that you really do lose body heat out of your head! I also learned that freshly buzzed hair acts like Velcro. Imagine the instant face lift I got after stretching a stocking cap over my scalp, and then it pulling back to relax the fibers. Today I’m sporting a turban, and I’m beginning to get used to this new look. It should take about three months for me to start growing new hair, so hats and scarves are going to be me for a while.

I really am doing alright. I am hungry all the time, which means I’m getting healthier. For more than a week I have had to force myself to eat, so wanting to eat is a really good sign. My energy increases a little bit every day and I don’t feel like sleeping all the time anymore. Mostly, I feel blessed and happy and loved.