You don’t think yourself into a new way of doing; you do yourself into a new way of thinking.

Gratitude is one of the proofs of this principle. For many years, I have known what to do when I need to pull myself out of a pity party. It is to focus my mind, prayers, speech and actions on all the things that I have to be grateful for. Veggie Tales got it right; “A grateful heart is a happy heart”.

It is easy for me to find many things to be grateful for. A quick glance in any direction begins a list that could go on for pages: the world is beautiful, I have a lovely home and the comforts of life, I enjoy freedom of expression and religion and get to live according to the dictates of my own conscience, I can read and write and learn, I have everything I need and almost everything I want, I am surrounded by people who love me and have created an environment of growth and confidence, and the list can go on.

The picture you see is of a group of ladies from church. Did you notice their hats and scarves? They came to church a few weeks ago wearing hats and scarves to express their solidarity with me. What a touching way to tell me they see me and recognize some of what I am experiencing, even though they have not seen me at church (and still won’t) for months. I realized, not for the first time, but in a more powerful way, just how many people care about me and how much the love and support from my loved ones strengthens me.

My gratitude for my sisters overwhelmed me, and focused my mind on how blessed I am.

Sadly and surprisingly, I struggled to maintain that grateful, joyful feeling. Despite all the things I have to be grateful for, and a powerful reminder of the support I enjoy, this experience was not enough to shake a despondency that has settled in on me in the past few months.

Feelings of depression are not uncommon with cancer, due to the relentless treatments and changes of lifestyle and focus that are inevitable with such a health crisis. But they are uncommon for me. All my life I have been blessed with an excitement for life that has left little room for prolonged sadness or melancholy. Even my usual remedy of focusing on the beautiful things about life have given only temporary relief during this time.

I’ve had to search deeper for ways to dispel this dark mood.

There’s no simple fix for persistent feelings of gloom, and I know I have too little experience with this to preach a solution to anyone. But I have absolute confidence in the proactive approach to everything in life. As I quoted at the top: “You don’t think yourself into a new way of doing; you do yourself into a new way of thinking.”

My strategy is action.

I was recently reminded that “without God, the dark experiences of suffering and adversity tend to despondency, despair, and even bitterness.” (Brian K Taylor, Swallowed Up In the Joy of Christ). So I’ve been examining my personal worship and there’s lots of room for improvement. I can choose to focus more on God and His power and omniscience and love.

I’m trying harder to focus, in addition to what I have to be grateful for, on what I have to look forward to. The promises that have sustained me for so long have not changed; they are eternal. I’ve just been focusing lately on the difficulties and disappointments. I can choose to change my focus.

I have confidence that if I choose healthy ways of living, it will eventually lead to a more healthy way of thinking. So I exercise, try to eat right, serve where I can, work, spend time outside, create, read, and very importantly, keep the communication lines open with those I love, and who so obviously love me. I can make healthy choices.

Slowly and gradually, doing all these things is lifting my spirits. I’m looking forward to when this stage of my healing will end and I will feel like myself again. For now, I’ll hold onto the promises.

There is a story of a group of people called the Nephites who “lived after the manner of happiness”. That’s my goal. That’s my choice.