April 21, 2025
“Here, then, is a great truth. In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong. In this way the divine image can be mirrored from the soul. It is part of the purging toll exacted of some to become acquainted with God. In the agonies of life, we seem to listen better to the faint, godly whisperings of the Divine Shepherd.” (The Refiner’s Fire by James E. Faust)
I’ve spent much of my life focused on the things I can accomplish and create. These things have brought me a great deal of joy and deep satisfaction. They’ve been a source of personal pride and confidence and they have been good and productive. In so many ways, my drive and ability to create and do has been a blessing to myself and my family. It makes me happy, even just to think about that part of my life.
But that kind of drive is not always a blessing. Over the years, I’ve had to closely evaluate whether I’m spending my time and energy on the best things. This quote has helped me weigh my choices, “As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best. Even though a particular choice is more costly, its far greater value may make it the best choice of all. We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.” (Good, Better, Best by Dallin H. Oaks)
The past 16 months have made this kind of evaluation more important and more urgent than ever. There continue to be setbacks that force me into re-evaluating how I use my limited time and shrinking physical capacity. Some of these are cancer-related, some are just aging, and there are others that are probably a combination of side effects from chemotherapy and a body that just can’t keep up with the opposition.
Case in point: I currently have tendinitis in my foot. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but it’s just another setback, when I was just beginning to see real improvement and get stronger after a hip replacement. It’s maddening that something that would have taken an injury or overuse before, just happened because of weakened tendons as a side effect of a drug that I have to take to keep the cancer at bay.
When it first happened, I was sad, then I was mad. Then I spent a bunch of time (since I have so much time back on my butt) studying about why trials are so important to our progress. I realized that I still have some purging to do. So much of my life has been spent on what I wanted to accomplish and create for my own pleasure. As I’ve said, the things I love to spend my time and energy on aren’t bad; in fact I think they are in the “good” or “better” spot.
But were they the “best”, the things that stretch my soul? Have I been I so busy digging in the dirt or creating things that I didn’t see and serve the people around me as I could and should have? Did I rush through prayers and give minimal time to getting to know God, so I could get on with the “important” things on my list?
The setbacks and continued struggles that keep me on the couch are also making me dig deep into my soul. They are the vehicle that carry away the unimportant and insignificant that I hold onto so tightly. I am slowly and gradually learning to accept and even appreciate the limitations that my body and its struggles have forced upon me.
I am becoming acquainted with God in a way that, perhaps I never would have bothered with if my body stayed healthy. I know I will be eternally grateful for that. Can I learn to be grateful for it right now, in the middle of the setbacks? Can I say, as Paul did, “…gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me…for when I am weak, then am I strong.”