When I was recovering from my hip replacement surgery in early February, there was a sign on the wall of my hospital room that said, “Movement is Medicine”. I believe that with all my heart, and it has guided me for much of my adult life. I remember my mom saying (in her 80’s) that she had to keep moving or she’d be in worse pain. Staying really active has been a goal of mine for a long time, and especially since I was diagnosed with cancer. It is vital, not just for physical health, but for emotional health, as well.
I fight hard for my health-PT, exercise, following doctor’s orders, good sleep, good food, etc. And I know it would be worse if I didn’t fight like I do; probably much worse. But, despite my efforts to strengthen them, my muscles and tendons continue to get weaker. This is most likely linked to the multiple myeloma itself, and the chemotherapy drugs I have and will continue to take.
Working and fighting so hard for my health and still gradually and continually slipping backward is very discouraging. I struggle with the lack of effectiveness of my efforts to strengthen my body. It is said, and I have believed that success at anything always comes down to focus and effort.
Focus and Effort. I have put in the effort and I have focused on getting healthy. But if I define success as getting stronger physically, I have failed. We know that we focus on grows, so as I have focused on the results of my efforts, my frustration has grown.
Focus and effort=success. That’s true. It’s also true that the more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person.
My youngest son recently had a huge disappointment. In talking to me about how he is dealing with it, he reminded me that God is much less concerned with our accomplishments and failures than in what we become by our efforts. God said, “Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.” (Doctrine and Covenants 58:3)
Fail and Recover and Improve.
I’ve needed a paradigm shift. My perspective on success has to move from what I thought success meant, to God’s view of it. Improvement may not be in physical healing and strength. But I can improve-become a better person-in ways that can never be taken away, despite the inevitable deterioration of my physical body.
I still need to do all that is within my power to be healthy, but my focus and effort cannot stay on trying to get healthier. My focus and effort need to be in finding joy, despite the circumstances of my life or the condition of my body. Joy is powerful, and focusing on joy brings God’s power into our lives. It is an eternal healing, rather than the temporary one I’ve been fighting for so hard. If finding joy is my focus, despite the setbacks, failures or successes, I cannot fail.
Movement is medicine